Everyone Is An Asshole

Am I the only person who finds the obnoxious “clipboard” people who occupy much of Seattle’s sidewalks to be assholes? Can’t a gal just go about her business without being besieged upon by aggressively-friendly 20-somethings who want me to help save the planet or feed a child or something? Don’t get me wrong, I think their causes are fabulous (it’s not like I’m into dolphin-bashing or beating up starving kids or anything…and I honestly do donate to various charities throughout the year), but, well, GEESH. Do I really need to be accosted by sunkissed, dreadlocked boys in “mandals” when I’m just trying to get from A to B asap? Lord.

(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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I just stumbled upon your website and I couldn’t help but notice what an asshole you are after having read your home page. You make such a big deal about people not posting “violent, angry, hateful” stuff. But you’ve gotta be a real asshole to not realize that’s what 90% of the submissions are going to be. You might as well just deal with it because you KNOW it’s going to happen, and stop bitching about it all over your home page.

Sincerely,
A fellow asshole

(No Ratings Yet)

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A note to all youse guys:

We started this site because walking around the city, our jobs, the airport, or even the park: we realized that some things in life are kinda dumb.

For example: Number 8 Bus here in Seattle is an asshole because it always passes by my bus stop and I have to walk home.  That’s an asshole bus.

Hell, Seattle is an asshole for snowing in April and raining in July.

My cat that poops on the floor every time the door bell rings? Well, she’s kind of an asshole too.

This site was created as a forum to rant and be petty, and really, just laugh at the idiocy that surrounds. What it’s not for, despite this being a site that proclaims everyone is an asshole, is a lot of scary hatefulness.

We’ve been getting a lot of submissions lately, and I want to thank you for supporting the site and sending us mail, but a lot of it has been violent, angry and  just plain hateful. We’ve decided that as much as we like you guys, we’re just not going to post that kinda stuff.  That is not what this site is about, and if that’s what you want to write about, get a blog. It’s a big wide internet out there.

So if you want to submit, at least *try* and be funny, wouldja? If you think I’m an asshole for saying so, that’s cool too.

People that write “FTW!” in comment threads are assholes.

(4 votes, average: 3 out of 5)

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Friends in their mid-late 20s who tell you that they think your parents are stingy because you have to pay all your own bills, are humongous assholes.

(4 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)

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Hey dad, auntie, grandmommy extraordinaire….I hope that $16000 was worth it, you greedy money-crazed assholes. Fuck you.

(4 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5)

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People who go through this site and give every comment one star because they like math are assholes. which is me. i’m the asshole.

(7 votes, average: 3.86 out of 5)

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Douch bag kids who think they can do what they want and just be ignorant are fucking assholes and a half! You refused to shut the volume on your phone cause I was getting a headache from it? While driving!! Then you think you have the right to tell your father how things are gonna be, you little motherfucker! I hope you lose your hearing you douch bag! And I hope your father hates you in the end because I am more then fed up sick and tired catching shit from him because of your selfish ignorant little retard ass! Fuck being in a relationship with a jerk off with asshole kids! The next motherfucker is gonna be child-less, Goddammit! Fuck my asshole boyfriend too, fucking jerk off dick head. Fuck!

(5 votes, average: 3.6 out of 5)

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Neighbor couple, we hate you so much. First off, why do you have 5 fucking dogs? Who needs 5 of those ugly little annoying ankle-biters? SHIT THEM THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE, I would like to get some sleep! All 5 of them are little assholes, as are you, Obnoxious Asian Lady Who Has No Job. Also, tell your husband that we can see him every time he stands in front of the bedroom window contemplating the meaning of life with a shirt on but no pants. His “little neighbor” isn’t worth showing off.

(9 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)

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You know who’s a REAL asshole? That prick standing in line in front of you at the supermarket who blows a STANKOFEROUS silent fart right before he steps ahead….so everyone in line behind you thinks it was YOU who had a bowl of Colon Blow for breakfast.

(7 votes, average: 4.43 out of 5)

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